Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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