Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
