yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
