just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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