It's Friday. Sex?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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