This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
