How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
