We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
