I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
