Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
