I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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