I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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