I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
