So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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