Just fell off a train. Bad.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
