Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
