He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I am naked and annoyed.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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