I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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