Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
