I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
