my vag is so smooth its legendary
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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