I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
