I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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