Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
