We're like a lot better than the average bears
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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