guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
