I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
