you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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