In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
