make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My penis needs a shock collar
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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