I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
