ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
