I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
