When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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