He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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