last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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