Betty ford says i'm here all night
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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