Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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