After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You ruined the universe
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
