i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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