bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
