did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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