we have pet lesbian snakes
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
