she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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