SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
