I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
