Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
