honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
