so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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