Don't make out with my wife yet
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
