when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
