life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
