Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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