I will die if light touches me.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
