Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
